the exhaustion of holding your breath around people you love so they never see the tremor in your hands

The Light Does Not Need You Still

The sun is up, and the mask is already in place before you walk out the door. You hold your breath around the people you love so they never see the tremor in your hands.

You think if they saw the shake, they would turn away. But the light does not need you to be still to be present.

Thomas said the kingdom is inside you and outside you — it is not a performance you maintain for an audience. It is the ground you stand on, even when your knees are weak.

You do not have to bring forth a perfect version of yourself to be saved; you only have to bring forth what is actually there. The tremor is part of the truth, and the truth is where the light lives.

Stop holding your breath. The air you need is already inside the room.

Drawing from

Gospel of Thomas, 1 John

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