the compulsive refreshing of the screen to check if they've seen it, mixed with the physical nausea of imagining them reading your words and judging you

Known Before You Typed A Word

The screen lights up again. You refresh.

You wait. The nausea rises as you imagine them reading your words, weighing them, finding you wanting.

You are performing a trial in your head where you are both the accused and the judge. But the light sees you differently.

Before you ever typed a word, before the fear took hold, the light knew you. It saw you under the fig tree of your hiding place.

It knows the exact shape of your trembling. The verdict you fear has already been answered with mercy.

You do not need to check the screen to know if you are seen. You are known.

The eyes you are afraid to meet are already closed in compassion.

Drawing from

John 1:48, 1 John 3:19-20

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