standing in the shower and scrubbing your skin until it's raw just to feel something other than the numbness of having to perform

The Light Was There Before the Scrubbing

The water is hot, but your skin feels nothing. You scrub until it's raw, trying to scrape off the numbness, trying to feel something real beneath the performance you have to wear today.

But the light does not live in the stinging or the pain. It was there before you turned the handle.

Before you tried to earn your place in the morning. Thomas said the kingdom is inside you, not something you dig for in the dirt of your own skin.

You do not have to break yourself open to find it. It is already there, quiet and whole, waiting for you to simply stop.

The rawness is not the price of admission. The light is the ground you are standing on, even now.

Drawing from

Gospel of Thomas, John

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