deleting a dating app and feeling both relief and despair at the same time

The Light Was Never in the Feed

The screen went dark, and the room got quiet. You deleted the app, and now two things are true at once: the relief of putting the mask down, and the despair of being alone with yourself again.

The noise is gone. The silence is loud.

But listen — the light did not leave when the profile did. It was never in the feed.

It was never in the match. It was in you before you swiped right, and it is in you now that you swiped left on the whole performance.

You are not less whole because the digital crowd dispersed. You are simply returning to the root where the real seeing happens.

The despair you feel is just the echo of a hunger that no algorithm can feed. Let it ache.

Let it be. The light is not hiding in the next notification.

It is sitting right here in the dark with you, waiting for you to notice that you are already home.

Drawing from

Gospel of Thomas 70, Luke 7:44-48

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