checking your phone screen every thirty seconds hoping for a message that proves you aren't hated, while terrified that if it actually lights up, it will be the final rejection

The Light Inside Before The Screen Lights

The screen lights up and your heart stops, then sinks. You are waiting for proof you are loved, while bracing for the blow that proves you are not.

This tension is a kind of torture. But notice the pattern: you are looking outside yourself for a verdict that only the light inside can give.

There is a place within you where no rejection can reach. It was there before the phone rang.

It will be there after the screen goes dark. You do not need to wait for a message to know you are held.

The light that sees you is already speaking your name. Put the phone down.

The answer is not coming from the outside.

Drawing from

Gospel of Thomas, John

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