the sudden urge to call them with news you can no longer share, followed by the crushing realization that the number will never be answered

Dialing the Number That Lives Inside

The phone feels heavy in your hand, a weight that pulls your arm down before you even dial. You remember the number by muscle memory, the rhythm of it still living in your fingers, and for a second, you are about to press call.

Then the silence of the room rushes back in. The realization hits: that number will never be answered.

Not today. Not ever.

The line is dead, and the voice you need is gone. In this quiet, your heart condemns you for forgetting, for trying to reach a place that no longer exists.

But there is a knowing deeper than your grief, a light that sees the whole truth of your love and does not call it a mistake. You are not calling into a void.

The one you love is not lost in the dark; they have simply moved to a place where the light is the only thing that speaks. The connection was never just the wire.

It was the love. And that love did not die when the breathing stopped.

It lives inside you now, the only number you need to dial to find them again.

Drawing from

1 John 3:19-20, Gospel of Thomas 51

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