the specific terror of lying still in bed next to them, holding your breath so your uneven breathing won't reveal that you are awake and alone inside your own skin

You Do Not Have to Perform Rest

You are holding your breath so the person beside you won't know you are awake. The silence feels like a wall you built to keep from being found out.

But the light does not need your even breathing to find you. It sees you in the dark without you having to move a muscle.

There is a kingdom inside you that cannot be hidden, even when you are pretending to sleep. You do not have to perform rest to be held.

The One who knows your name knows the rhythm of your panic better than you do. You are not alone in the dark; you are simply unseen by the world right now.

The light is already there, waiting for you to stop hiding.

Drawing from

Gospel of Thomas 3, John 1:48

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