being angry at God and feeling guilty about the anger

There is a fire in your chest right now, a hot anger that feels like it has turned you against the very light you long for. And now, the guilt has arrived to whisper that you should not feel this way, that the light cannot exist in your anger.

But remember the garden where the light itself fell on its face and begged for the cup to be taken away, even while weeping in the shadow of what was coming. You do not have to clean yourself before the light can meet you; it has been waiting in the dark to hold you exactly as you are, with your rage and your shame.

If your heart condemns you for this anger, know that the light is greater than your heart and does not join the verdict. Take a breath, let the anger be the dark place where the light is already waiting to shine, not as a demand, but as a presence.