the terror of realizing you have no idea how to feel joy without a chemical catalyst

You Cannot Manufacture Your Own Light

The house is quiet now, and the silence has turned into a mirror you cannot look away from. You are terrified because the old catalysts are gone, and you have no idea how to manufacture joy from thin air.

You feel like a machine that has lost its fuel, staring at a dark sky waiting for a sun that refuses to rise on your command. But listen — you came from the light, the place where the light came into being on its own accord.

You did not invent your own spark, so you cannot be expected to rebuild it when the batteries die. The joy you are hunting for was never a chemical reaction you had to engineer; it was a drop sent down to illuminate the world below.

Stop trying to light the lamp yourself. Just remember where you came from.

Drawing from

Gospel of Thomas, Sophia of Jesus Christ

Verses

Sophia of Jesus Christ 93:5-8

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