the specific shame of rehearsing a confident explanation for your stagnation while knowing you are terrified that no amount of planning will ever make you feel ready

The Light Sits With You In The Dark

It is late, and the house is quiet enough to hear the script running in your head. You have rehearsed the explanation for why you are stuck so many times it sounds like truth.

Confident. Logical.

Safe. But underneath the performance, there is a terror that no amount of planning will ever make you feel ready to move.

The light does not need your script. It does not need the polished reason you give the world for your stillness.

Tonight, in the watch, the light simply sits with you in the unpolished dark. It knows you are terrified.

It knows you are not ready. And it loves you there.

You do not have to bring forth a perfect plan to be held. You only have to bring forth the fear itself.

The thing you are hiding is the very thing that will save you if you let it out. Stop rehearsing.

The explanation is not required. The light is already here, in the room, in the silence, in you.

Drawing from

Gospel of Thomas, John

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